Remember when summer weekends meant sleeping in and late leisurely brunches? Or perhaps hopping in the car for an adventure without packing a thing?!
Now we have our natural alarm clock waking us up at the first light of day with their constant refrain, “Will you play with me? “
As much as we love our kids, it’s hard not to groan at times. It’s a struggle to feel playful when you’re tired and your mind is already racing with the unending list of to-dos.
Last month I had the pleasure of being a guest on the CHCH morning show where I chatted with the incredible host, Tim Bolen and answered the question, “How can I play when I’m exhausted?”
In our 7 years of parenting, reading books as part of our bedtime routine has been undeniable. From my work and conversations with friends, I know this is true for most parents. This is not the result of savvy PR; reading books has earned its place by being the perfect bedtime ritual based solely on its merits. Sure, parents are often told the importance of reading for literacy, vocabulary and instilling a love of reading, but these benefits have nothing to do with the lasting popularity and success of this bedtime tradition.
Several months in, I had hoped my JKer would have been more…settled. Pulling her home in the wagon with a snack had helped - in that it delayed the explosion of feelings until we were off school property and safely within the confines of home. How could I make this challenging time with both my kids more manageable, I pondered. Maybe I could try setting up an activity on the table for when they arrive home? Maybe I should check in with her teachers? Maybe she needs more movement - what physical play could we do?...
My reverie was broken by the beep as I was summoned to perform the final and most dramatic step of the Instant Pot cooking process. I switched the valve from sealing to venting and stood back and marvelled at the loud eruption of steam - not unlike my 4-year-old at 3:30 PM
That’s when it hit me - my child is like an Instant Pot.
This metaphor is so good it has literally made parenting easier! Let me break it down for you:
Do you ever wish for a crystal ball? Some way of knowing all your efforts to raise a kind and responsible human being will pay off?
Many parents today are thoughtful and intentional about parenting. We care about things like emotional intelligence and self-regulation. We’ve swapped timeouts for time-ins. We listen to podcasts and read books.
But then your 3-year-old kicks you in the shin when it’s time to leave the park and shouts for all to hear, “You’re a stupid face!”
In those moments it’s impossible not to think, “Ummm, I’m not sure this is working?”
While I don’t have a crystal ball I do have some promising signs to watch for and reassure yourself you are indeed on the right track (tantrums and all)!
There are days when I just can’t stomach the idea of sitting down on the floor and pretending I’m a lion. When I hear, ‘let’s pretend..’ I want to run for it - I’d rather clean the toilet.
I feel a wave of guilt - Am I a bad parent if I say no to playtime?
No. It’s okay not to play.
Even the most playful parent has these moments.
This is the time to remind ourselves of all the other wonderful ways we can connect and continue building the relationship with our child!
I’ve compiled a well-rounded list of 6 ways to strengthen your relationship - for days you’re feeling energetic or when you’re exhausted and just scraping by.
While there has been no shortage of bad news as we’ve navigated the pandemic, the war in Ukraine brings a new challenging world event to handle with our kids.
I’ve compiled some resources on how you may wish to navigate this topic. But the short answer is, with children under 8, you don’t need to bring the issue to their attention. If it does come up, we want to keep it simple and focus on helping them feel heard and safe.
I’ve listened to parents share variations of these feelings and I’ve nodded along in understanding, because I’ve felt like that as well. And I ached, to offer something that might be helpful beyond solidarity. Because while parenting is hard, I believe we need those moments of connection and joy.
I also believe it’s not that easy. You start the day with the best of intentions, I won’t yell, I’ll play, we will have fun! But then your toddler yells at you for cutting his pancake, you spend 15 minutes in a diaper change standoff, your preschooler tries to kick you when you turn off the tv - and just like that, your frustration boils over onto everyone around you. And it just keeps happening.
