Bedtime Stories: Why reading is a powerful part of the bedtime routine for children
How reading to your child before bed can set the stage for a smooth bedtime and peaceful night’s sleep.
After more than 2,500 bedtimes, our history can be grouped in stages by book.
Reading The Goblet of Fire for the third time to my daughter as part of our bedtime routine.
The Chunky Board Book Era, with chewed edges and ripped flaps. From, ‘Brown Bear Brown Bear’ to ‘Big Red Barn’.
Onto The Picture Book Era with anthologies of Little Critter for nostalgia to current favourites Oliver Jeffers and Mo Willems.
Next was The Library Era when novelty reined supreme and we carted home heavy bags of new titles to devour.
Before we knew it we had arrived in The Chapter Book Era, a milestone for the literary-minded parent. Rahl Dahl, Neverending Story, an aborted attempt at The Hobbit and a scandalous amount of cheese puns with the Thea Sisters series. We have now made our way through the first 4 Harry Potter books and then returned to Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire over three times each. Like her mom, my eldest loves rereading a favourite book before bed.
In our 7 years of parenting, reading books as part of our bedtime routine has been undeniable. From my work and conversations with friends, I know this is true for most parents. This is not the result of savvy PR; reading books has earned its place by being the perfect bedtime ritual based solely on its merits. Sure, parents are often told the importance of reading for literacy, vocabulary and instilling a love of reading, but these benefits have nothing to do with the lasting popularity and success of this bedtime tradition.
When we read to our children we artfully mix play, emotional expression and connection into the sweet elixir that delivers them to their rest.
Allow me to elaborate.
Stories invite us into our imaginations and the world of play.
Bedtime is the threshold of separation - after our children close their eyes, they are alone. This dreaded knowledge fills them with urgent requests, frustrations and tears. This is the crux of why bedtime is so hard for toddlers, preschoolers and well…everyone. Listening to a book they shift from work mode to play mode. In play, in the world of stories, their concerns are set aside. Free from pursuing our attention they can rest in our care and fall into their sleep.
2. Stories draw out the emotions that would otherwise hurt.
The best bedtime stories dip into the well of sadness and loss, just as classic lullabies share tragic tales in minor keys. These stories provide a mini catharsis as our children follow the journeys of their beloved characters. The alarm our kids feel at the impending separation can be in part metabolized and released through listening to a story. While it’s often too vulnerable to say ‘Don’t leave me, I’m scared’, it may be possible to feel those feelings one step removed through the eyes of a thwarted pigeon or a lost quidditch match.
3. Our voices invite connection and create a feeling of safety.
More important than the words, the impact of our voice and its tone is profound. Even before words are understood, our tone is clear and they sense when all is well and when all is not. The sound of our voice has been a constant companion since before they were born and conveys a sensation of being held, of being safe.
Many evenings I’ve been grateful for the pages of a good book to guide me back to my generous and caring feelings. When bedtime has run late and I find myself full of frustration, I open the book and begin. To start my tone is flat and curt. As I continue, it begins to warm and move. I have what I think of as, ‘my bedtime tone’: it’s melodic yet soothing. It draws them near while settling them with a lulling predictability, beneath the words it says, ‘I’ve got you, it’s safe to soften.’
Stories are our opportunity to invite our children to rest. Choosing books that delight our child’s imagination and touch on themes of sadness set the stage for the transition into sleep. Reading these stories with a spirit of warmth and generosity brings the process to life.
Bedtime stories are so much more than step 3 of 5 in getting your child to sleep. Whether you hold reverence for the everyday magic of reading to your child or not - all I’ve described is happening. Whether you read a Caldecott Medal winner or a painful picture book rendition of The Madalorian - the impact is the same.
Perhaps tonight you will pause before you open the book, take a breath to soak up the sweetness of this moment and as you begin you will also read the words from on heart, “I’ve got you, it’s safe to soften”.
Grab a book, snuggle up and make some magic.
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