3 Signs You're Headed in the Right Direction - even when you feel like you’re failing at parenting
Do you ever wish for a crystal ball? Some way of knowing all your efforts to raise a kind and responsible human being will pay off?
Many parents today are thoughtful and intentional about parenting. We care about things like emotional intelligence and self-regulation. We’ve swapped timeouts for time-ins. We listen to podcasts and read books.
But then your 3-year-old kicks you in the shin when it’s time to leave the park and shouts for all to hear, “You’re a stupid face!”
In those moments it’s impossible not to think, “Ummm, I’m not sure this is working?”
While I don’t have a crystal ball I do have some promising signs to watch for and reassure yourself you are indeed on the right track (tantrums and all)!
3 Signs of maturation
Desire to do things themselves
All humans possess an innate desire for independence and by 2 years old you’re likely familiar with the phrase “I do it myself!” While it’s rarely convenient, the desire to buckle their own car seat, brush their own teeth or fasten their own sandals is an excellent sign of your child’s budding maturity.
Ironically, the more they trust help is available the more confidence they have to venture forth. If you aren’t seeing that venturing forth energy, try offering your support with a spirit of generosity.
Curiosity about their world
It’s incredible how a child can create a whole world of play with a piece of string or a stick! We are looking for those moments when our children lose themselves in the wonder and exploration of their world. It is full of expression and the emergence of their sense of self. Usually, this looks like periods of playing alone doing an unstructured activity.
If a child never falls into these periods of play and instead whines or acts out, it’s usually a sign of connection needs that have to be satiated first.
Sharing their tender feelings
The ability of our children to feel and share their feelings with us, particularly their tender ones, is likely our most important role. It’s when our children stop saying things like, ‘I’m nervous/frustrated/excited/confused’ that behaviour challenges escalate.
The most critical is our child's ability to share their tears with us. Expressing their tears while receiving loving support helps them feel better longer. It is our feelings of sadness that allow us to adapt to situations we cannot change and children have a lot of adapting to do! *Also, keep in mind, that we do not need to cry about the specific issue; crying over a skinned knee will be just as therapeutic!
Please keep in mind - NO child displays all these characteristics all the time. Practice perspective here and ask yourself, are observing these qualities some of the time? It’s normal to see an ebb and flow as we go through the challenges of life.
And remember it’s about the presence of these qualities amongst the challenging behaviours. It’s normal for 3-year-olds to struggle with transitions and have meltdowns. However, if you can’t remember the last time your child cried, that’s a sign there is some work to do. (book a free intro call if you would like support)
To support the growth of these qualities I always recommend starting with connection and play! My free special time guide will give you a quick burst of inspiration and just enough structure to get started.