Village of Support — Blog

SOS: When parenting is really really really hard

Monday I came down with a cold. My husband is in the thick of a very challenging season at work. My 4-year-old has been so full of anger the past month it’s been like parenting a ticking time bomb. My seven-year-olds new thing is complaining about everything. The sun hasn’t shone in 6 days. There are toys and paper and crumbs everywhere. I lost my temper again this morning. My sinuses are pounding. I feel like a fraud.

It’s Wednesday and I have run out of silver linings.

And I know I’m not alone and yet it feels so isolating. It’s a heavy weight on our shoulders knowing there is no hero riding in to save the day. It’s just us. And we are tired.

*sigh*

So I’m writing this for me and for every parent out there: how to be a parent when things are really really really hard.

What is matrescence and why should you care?

You’re handed your baby and BAM - instant transformation. Some mysterious combination of instincts and hormones suddenly bestows you with all the knowledge and skills needed to be a mother. That’s it. There is just ‘before you were a mother’ and ‘mother’. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never changed a diaper, know nothing about breastfeeding or never held a baby before

Parenting, Self care, Village of Support, MatrescenceHeather SandeJanuary 27, 2023matrescence, motherhood

The depths of our neediness

After a busy holiday season, back-to-back illnesses and children exhausted from starting school, my husband and I locked eyes during a particularly long and fraught bedtime with our two daughters. We didn’t say anything but you could read the silence: it shouldn’t be so hard!? When does it get easier? How can they possibly need SO much?

The Feel Good Screen Time Strategy

“We watched no TV today!” I’d announce to my husband as if waiting for a gold star. It certainly felt like a massive accomplishment, 12 hours of parenting 2 kids under 4 in the middle of winter. But there was no gold star, just my own sense of achievement or sometimes my own sense of utter exhaustion and simmering resentment as my needs we relegated to the bottom of the list yet again.

Screentime is an excellent illustration of the modern parenting dilemma. It comes down to this equation:

Tired parents in need of support
A lifetime's worth of highly captivating and addictive children’s entertainment
Constant reminders of the dangers of screentime

It’s a lose/lose, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

My Imperfect Parenting Journey: for anyone who’s failed at gentle parenting

Something always felt off about this industry and I could never quite put my finger on it. I suppose I didn’t want to see it. Because I wanted to believe, like most, that if I followed all the tips and hacks shared in perfectly curated videos that I’d do it! That I’d be the calm, got it together mom who was the perfect blend of playful and firm, who didn’t need any help, who meal planned but was also spontaneous, who worked but not too much, with well behaved kids who ate vegetables and never watched tv and always said please and thank you, who were wild and creative but also obedient (but not too obedient) and of course slept through the night.

Parenting, Self care, Village of SupportHeather SandeSeptember 9, 2022motherhood, imperfect parenting, gentle parenting

3 Things That Sooth My Nervous System as a Parent

Many days parenting will strain your nervous system to the absolute edge. Two small children crying at the same time, dirty dishes as far as the eye can see, dinner that needs to be made and jobs with unending demands. Waiting for a proper break is just not an option. Amidst this chaos, I’ve found little moments of spaciousness when I find myself breathing deeper and feeling softer. These are 3 ways I soothe my nervous system day to day.

Adding a Babysitter to your Village of Support

Growing up in the country, at 13 I was babysitting for all the neighbourhood families. I changed diapers, prepared bottles, handled bedtimes and even wrangled a family of 7! My husband, as a teen, babysat for over a dozen families on his street in north Toronto.

Today, many parents confess no one has ever cared for their children, except for maybe Grandma. It’s not uncommon to hear parents haven’t had a child-free night out in years!

Looking for something in particular? Search ‘sleep’ or ‘highly sensitive’ for the resources you need!