With the rise of the gentle/peaceful/conscious/responsive parenting approaches, it can easily feel like:

Calm parent = good parent

Frustrated parent = bad parent

It doesn’t matter if your three-year-old just called you stupid and threw a yogurt cup at the wall - you handle it like a serene goddess, never raising your voice, never dishing out punishments, always appearing warm and loving. 

But here’s what I know:

• Parents are human

• Parenting is incredibly hard

So it stands to reason, that we won’t always feel calm, sometimes we will feel frustrated and sometimes even yell (gasp!).

…But we also know it’s not okay to vent our frustrations at our children. 

Tell me if this sounds familiar - We power through the day with good intentions, ignoring our feelings, UNTIL something pushes us over the edge! We lose our temper. Then we feel terrible, fall asleep promising never to do it again, only to repeat the same sequence of events.

How do we get out of this cycle? Where is the middle ground?

We need to take up a relationship with our frustration. We need to get curious and understand where it’s coming from and what’s feuling it! Then we have the opportunity to get back in the driver seat.

These 3 tips are all your need to get started!

1. Expectations:

Expectations of yourself

• Simply getting clear on the fact that your feelings are valid is a great first step! Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that all parents feel frustrated and no one enjoys every minute.

• Now find some space for those feelings! Run, dance, sing, talk to a friend, it doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s expressive and a safe place to vent those feelings. 

Expectations of your child

• It’s important to know children don’t begin to develop the capacity for impulse control until 5. Rather than seeing certain behaviour as ‘bad’ see it as a form of communication and get curious about what they need. 

2. Self-Reflection

• Are there any patterns around when you lose your cool? 

• If certain times of day or transitions are difficult look for practical solutions or recruit support. 

• Reflect on your childhood by talking with a friend, therapist or journaling. By bringing awareness to patterns from our past we can get off autopilot and be intentional about our choices.  

3. Self-Care

• Get in the habit of checking in with yourself throughout the day with a ‘10 Second Check In.’ Simply: Pause, Breath, Ask yourself, What do I need? The goal is to connect to your needs throughout the day, diffusing the ticking time bomb. It can be as simple as drinking enough water or a short walk outside.

• Experiment with tools like exercise, mindfulness, mantras, coaching etc. to support your wellbeing day to day. Remember that taking care of yourself IS taking care of your family.

And remember, it’s inevitable that will all lose our cool at times. Remember, this is an opportunity too! You can repair your relationship with your child with an authentic apology and connection - modelling a crucial skill!

Which point stood out to you? Start there!

And come back for more inspiration - or book a free intro call to be supported on this journey.