Why is Bedtime so Hard?

2 minute read (cause your tired, obviously)

When I was pregnant with my first, a (childless) coworker gave me the book, “Go The F*$% to Sleep” by Adam Mansbach. Honestly, I didn’t get it. I gathered it was a joke but the punchline sailed right over my head. 

Fast forward 2 years later, I pluck it off the shelf and my husband and I are crying with laughter. My favourite page is, 

“The flowers doze low in the meadows

And high on the mountains so steep.

My life is a failure, I’m a shitty-ass parent.

Stop fucking with me, please, and sleep.”

It’s the last two lines that get me every time. Funny because it’s true. Well, really - it’s not. But the sleep industry did its job well. 

The basic premise is that children should and must sleep 12 interrupted hours each night, alone (don’t you dare lie down with them), in their own bed (absolutely no cosleeping) or else you are failing them, yourselves and the world at large. That sort of pressure, at the end of the day when you’re both tired, is going to take more than a consistent routine, a little white noise and some blackout drapes to solve. 

And even though we know this is a ridiculous expectation - part of us desperately wants it to be true. We hold onto the belief that the right sleep tips will give us a ‘champion sleeper’ and the free time we desperately need in the evening. Fixing our child’s sleep seems like an easier alternative than fixing the broken, isolated culture we are raising our families in. 

And toddler sleep is a whole other beast, as Adam Mansbach captured has so succinctly in his book. The fact they can walk, talk and negotiate really spices things up. Most of the popular sleep training approaches will have little effect, leaving parents at their wits ends to resolve things yesterday. 

So yes bedtime is hard. 

High (unrealistic) expectations + tired (isolated) parents + verbal, mobile immature toddler = ...not a fun time.

While I’m a little furious at the position we’ve been put in as parents, I love working on toddler bedtimes! It begins as an exploration of sleep and quickly shifts to strengthening relationships, enhancing routines, setting boundaries and sharpening instincts. Incidentally, most of the changes are actually made to the day, not just the 30 minutes before bed. This goes way beyond sleep. My goal when working with a family is to guide them to a deeper understanding of their child and empower their instincts so they are more prepared for whatever changes are inevitably around the corner.

So yes bedtime is hard - but it can also be incredibly rewarding.