Daycare Drop Offs: When does the crying stop?

How long before my child stops crying at drop off? 

When does it get easier? 

I can hear my daughter crying as I leave the daycare and it’s excruciating! 

When transitioning to daycare, all we are thinking about is how to stop the crying. It’s loud, intense and having to walk away when they are still upset, feels awful. Stopping the crying can become the goal.

It’s easy to lose sight of what’s really happening. Your child, who has been cared for by you, for likely the eternity of their life, is adjusting to their new caregiver; someone they do not yet have a relationship with. They are likely feeling a lot of feelings: scared, angry, sad, frustrated and confused. They are communicating these feelings the only way they can, with lots of tears.

Thankfully nature didn’t intend for you to never be separated from your child. Your child can build new relationships that will also be loving, nurturing and fulfilling.

During those painful drop offs, when the new caregiver comforts and makes space for all those big feelings, the beginning of a new relationship is formed. Your child comes to expect comfort and feel safe in their new environment. Alternatively, when we attempt to distract, stop or ignore those feelings, we signal to the child that this is not a safe place for their feelings and lose to opportunity to bond. 

So rather than focusing on how much or how long your child cries, focus on how their caregivers attune to them. Is there a loving, warm embrace waiting for them? Is time made to process those feelings before moving onto the morning routine? Ironically, the more we welcome the tears, the sooner our child can begin to adapt and settle into their new routine.

Hang in there Mom and Dad. And if you’re finding this transition hard, might I suggest a few tears of your own?