Starting Daycare
Obviously way too clean to be a real daycare…
I vividly remember my first daycare drop off with my eldest. My husband and I went together and it was a good thing because I couldn’t speak. As soon as we entered the room, the lump in my throat was the size of a baseball. I knew if I opened my mouth, the only thing to come out would be giant sobs. I wasn’t expecting that. I went into the whole thing, sort of like, “this is what we do now...I go to work, baby starts daycare”. Obviously the whole experience was much more complex and intense (qualities I’m more looking for in a bottle of wine). Now I’m about to do it again with my second and I have a much different approach.
Here are 6 ways I’m preparing for a smooth(ish) daycare transition!
1. Expect bumps in the road
During my last return to work I remember complaining over a cup of coffee how my child was back to waking up in the night after sleeping through for months. I lamented ‘how dare she do this now, when I need sleep the most!!’ Looking back I see it was no coincidence, she started waking in the night again because I went back to work. For my little one, a big routine change and less time with Mommy meant sleep disruption. For another family it may mean a change in appetite, clinginess, more tantrums or another (frustrating) change in behaviour.
Your child can’t sit down and say ‘hey I’m finding all these changes hard, can we talk about it?’ Heck, a lot of adults struggle to be so articulate. So the more you can embrace these bumps in the road and see them as an opportunity for your child to express their feelings to you - the sooner you can get into a new groove.
2. Talk it through
Use age appropriate language to talk to your child about the new routine. Involve them in the preparations as you put labels on all their things and pack their bag. Be sure the water bottle, blanket and other items you send are familiar to them. If they are new, make sure they have time to explore and play with them. Be sure to pack a family photo, most daycares have a space to display these and it can be a great comfort and a way for your child to feel close to you when you are apart.
If your child enjoys reading with you, you might want to check out some books from the library about daycare. There are lots of great ones that show the progress of being sad about being separated from Mom, making new friends and the joy of being reunited at the end of the day.
3. Take it slow
If possible, start with a gradual entry. Whatever you can manage, whether it’s starting with half days, starting midweek or picking up a little early. Separating is always going to be hard (and that’s a good thing!) but a shorter period of separation is easier to manage while those new connections are being formed.
4. Fill Their Cup
Make sure your morning includes some quality cuddle time! Perhaps your current routine already does this naturally, or you may need to set your alarm 10 minutes earlier. Be diligent in giving your child your undivided attention for even just 10 minutes, to cuddle, play and connect. This habit will pay off big as your child grows and much more cooperation is required to get out the door.
5. Nail the drop off
Those first few drop offs are burned into the memories of all moms. Standing outside the door listening to them cry, then sitting in our cars as we cry. It’s an emotionally charged time, plus you’re handing over 50 diapers, wipes, change of clothes, instructions for bum cream and trying to get them into their indoor shoes. It’s a mess.
Your goal is to help them connect with at least one of their teachers so eventually they are going from one warm attachment to another! The relationship to their teacher is the most important part of their daycare experience, so I’m going to get really specific here. It’s time to pass the attachment baton!
Warmly great the teacher, make eye contact, smile, exchange pleasantries
Introduce them to your child and if you can draw attention to similarities, “Hello Emily, this is my daughter Sally! Sally this is your teacher Emily. She is going to take care of you today. Look you and Emily are both wearing blue shirts! I bet Emily loves blue too.”
Teacher says hello to child and attempts to connect with them
Here is your moment to discuss nap schedules & diaper rashes
Pass off your child and cheerfully say goodbye, reminding them when you will be back to pick them up. Use your super mom strength here and resist the temptation to linger after the goodbye.
Almost certainly they will be upset when you leave, at least the first few times. But soon they will develop an attachment with their teacher and the tears will end.
6. Perfect the pick up
The pick up can feel just as chaotic as the drop off, expect now you’re both tired from a busy day. You envision your child joyfully leaping into your arms, instead you’re scanning their chart as they try to wriggle out of your arms and then you sweatily try to force them from their indoor shoes to their outdoor shoes.
Cooperation at the end of the day can be tough! Make your first goal to connect with your child, give them a hug and tell them how happy you are to see them. Then do whatever you can to make getting ready to go fun. Is their snowsuit really a ninja suit? Does silly Mommy keep trying to put their mittens on their nose? If it doesn’t affect you dinner, a snack can also be a great motivator to get to the stroller or car.
Okay that’s my list! I had visions of making a short snappy post but I realized this isn’t a short snappy experience. Including someone in the care of your child is a big deal and you deserve it to go well. We’ve been fortunate to have some teachers who really loved our daughter and that’s been a great experience. There is nothing like the joy of finding someone who will actually take as much interest in your child’s latest finger painting as you. Also you’re about to get some seriously cute homemade gifts that you didn’t have to plan or clean up. YAY! So take a deep breath, know it’s going to be tough but that you can do it.