“We watched no TV today!” I’d announce to my husband as if waiting for a gold star. It certainly felt like a massive accomplishment, 12 hours of parenting 2 kids under 4 in the middle of winter. But there was no gold star, just my own sense of achievement or sometimes my own sense of utter exhaustion and simmering resentment as my needs we relegated to the bottom of the list yet again. 

Screentime is an excellent illustration of the modern parenting dilemma. It comes down to this equation:

• Tired parents in need of support 

• A lifetime's worth of highly captivating and addictive children’s entertainment

• Constant reminders of the dangers of screentime

It’s a lose/lose, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. 

But there is an alternative to the all-or-nothing approach. We don’t have to see screen time as good or bad and judge our parenting accordingly. It’s possible to have a feel-good screen time strategy. 

1. Connect with your values

   • In order for a strategy to work, you need to believe in it. Start by connecting with your values. For example, I value prioritizing my well-being and modelling for my children how I tend to my needs. That means I feel good about scheduling screen time so I can work on a course or exercise uninterrupted. Or, I value quality time together. Sharing a show, game or movie together is a great opportunity to connect as a family. If you find that having a screen-free house is an important value to you, then it’s a matter of finding other tools to support that journey.

   • Reflect on your beliefs around screen time. This topic can stir up a lot of guilt and rigid thinking where ‘good mothers do A and bad mothers do B.’ Remind yourself that all parents are imperfect and we don’t have to subscribe to this way of thinking. 

2. Assess your needs and tools and match up

   • Where are the gaps in your support? Start by identifying the tricky parts of your day. It could be making dinner when everyone is tired and cranky. It could be that you never get to your workout. It could be keeping one child occupied while the other is being put down for a nap or bed. 

   • Screentime is a tool that often substitutes for those extra sets of hands we just don’t have access to day to day. Finding appropriate TV shows or video games is an option to fill those gaps

   • Assess your child’s temperament for the best match. How does your child handle turning off screens? What effect do different types of media have? If turning off the TV is often a big challenge, it may be better to incorporate it earlier in the day when everyone has higher reserves of energy and patience. You may find less stimulating audiobooks or shows a better match for later in the day. 

3. Hold boundaries firmly and expectations loosely

   • Screens are addictive and parents do hold the responsibility for making sure their use is well managed. A good screen time strategy doesn’t mean your children don’t get upset or have big feelings about turning it off or saying no. Our job is to remain calm and support them as they express, explore and (very) slowly learn to manage their feelings.

   • Allow your strategy to evolve as your needs and tools change, day by day and month by month. While consistency is helpful for everyone, it’s also okay to change your mind. We can stay in the lead with rule changes by how we position it. For example, “Today is a day that calls for cozy cuddles on the couch! You’re welcome to have extra game time while I read my book!” rather than, “Fine! You can watch another show.” Most families will have seasons of more or less screentime depending on their current circumstances.

I hope these steps have helped you craft an approach to screen time that feels good! This is a tricky parenting challenge that no previous generations had to sort out, so remember to be gentle with yourself. And if you’re feeling stuck with screentime meltdowns, battles or guilt - reach out to book a session. It’s worth it to put the time in now because we all know screens are here to stay.